Welcome everyone!! I know that this is probably only making it to a few people right now, but I thought it appropriate to start off with kind of an overview of my heart in this blog. I’m still working through how I want it all to go, but there are a few things I am certain about. Oddly enough, at this point, I am only certain about what I DO NOT WANT…
- LARGE FAMILY LOGISTICS – I am not writing a blog about large families and how to keep it all running. I do happen to have a lot of kids, but I don’t pretend for ONE MINUTE to know how to do it all. The truth is, I feel like a failure a good bit of the time, and I have to remind myself of who I am in Christ in order to just do the next thing. If you were coming to this page for a bunch of how-to’s, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. Mostly I can just tell you what NOT to do, from experience. 🙂
- HOMESCHOOL HELPS – Yes, we homeschooled for several years. To be honest, I had a love hate relationship with it. Do I still believe it is an amazing way to disciple and train your children at home? ABSOLUTELY! Would I ever homeschool again? YOU BET! (If the Lord led me down that path) Am I glad that my children are now attending a private Christian school? YES! My mindset has changed over the years regarding education, and I am so grateful for the freedom we have in Christ to make these decisions for our family.
- MOM SHAMING – JUST NOT GONNA HAPPEN… Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with a lot of the aspects of MOM LIFE. I’m not a sing-you-lullabies-as-you- drift-off-to-sleep kind of gal. Sometimes, I wish I was. But most of the time, I’m just relieved that they all made it through the day and into their beds… and hopefully they have pajamas on. Brushing their teeth is a close second. When it hits 8 o’clock around here, I morph into something ugly. We’ll call her Janine. Janine doesn’t care if you forgot to make your lunch, or you’re thirsty, or you remembered that you left your favorite need-it-to-go-to-sleep toy outside and you just HAVE to have it. Janine is tired. Her brain has shut off and all she wants to do is crawl in the bed with her man and watch The Office for the fourth time around.
WHAT I DO HOPE TO RELAY….
- THAT I AM BROKEN- I will never try to convince you that I am further along in the motherhood journey than you. I will never try to convince you that we are even on the same one. I will, however, always try to be clear that CHRIST ALONE is the reason that I get up and endeavor to tame the crazy every day. He is my rock, I am frail, and so very tired. But He is perfect, strong, and oh so willing to carry us. Even as I write this I feel convicted, because I know that I should be praying more, reading more, and just being with Him more. And to be honest, it feels like those are always the first things to go when times get rough. I know it’s wrong, it’s just the truth.
- THAT I UNDERSTAND- I just do. Whether you have 1 child or 20, this journey is all consuming. It literally takes every part of you, and that doesn’t leave much left over. I once believed that I had to die on the altar of motherhood, that I couldn’t serve God well unless I gave up everything that might compete for my time and attention. And I did just that. I quit my job and stopped taking care of “me”. I don’t mean physically, but emotionally, and personally. It was like I hit pause on my life, and slowly but surely, everything that made me who I was, drained away. I didn’t realize it was happening at the time, but I sure realize it now. And I’m having to learn who I am all over again. It’s really weird, to not know who you are at 38. But God is gracious and is showing me that my identity lies in who I am in Him. Daughter of the King. Oh so fallen, but righteous in the Father’s eyes, because of Jesus.
So hopefully I didn’t scare anyone away. I really just want to be a voice speaking out against the lies the world tells us moms. When I start to doubt my ability to do one more thing, I remind myself that God does not make mistakes. He did not accidentally give my THIS husband and THESE 7 children. When I got pregnant with number 5, he was not shocked. THIS life was designed FOR ME by HIM. And I can rest in that. That when all else fails around me, that He is there, with me, helping me through every day of this crazy, chaotic, broken life. One He makes beautiful and whole.